Went to see Shrek 3 last night (“version originale”, since I’m still in Paris). Whoops. They should have stopped at number two.

This seems to be a theme: Shrek 1, so good. They’re like, “Hell, we can make bank!” and the writers get excited and there you’ve got Shrek 2, surprisingly good. Then the producers are like “WRITE MORE NOW!” and the writers say to one another, “Hey, do you have any ideas?” “No, you?” “Um, what if Donkey and Puss in Boots switched bodies?”

And there’s Shrek 3.

Here’s a hint, for anyone who is writing or producing the third movie in a blockbuster series: if you pound out the script and notice that every conflict is resolved with a heartfelt, cliché-ridden speech…don’t even bother.