After having finally seen the end of The Dark Knight yesterday (which we previously had missed thanks to a wide-spread and suspiciously well-timed power outage), my girlfriend and I were wandering homewards. What had seemed like the culminating moments in our first go turned out to be only about three quarters of the way through, and as a result it was quite a bit later than we had expected to get out. With no quick and easy entrees beckoning us home, we decided to try the local Mongolian Grill and see if it was any good.

The food was alright (although unlike any other Mongolian grill I’ve ever been to you didn’t get to make your own sauce, which was disappointing), but the best part of the trip was the poster displaying nine good reasons to eat frozen yogurt that was on the wall. Or, more accurately, “9 Reasons to Eat Y/O/G/U/R/T”. Your guess is as good as mine why they slashed it up.

1. Yogurt is easier to digest than milk

This seems to me like a decent argument for eating yogurt.

2. Yogurt contrubutes [sic] to colon health

Again, a healthy colon is certainly a plus in anyone’s book, although I’m a little perplexed why this is the second reason. It seems more like the kind of thing you’d slip tactfully in around reason number seven or eight.

3. Yogurt can boost immunity

We seem to be on a health kick here.

4. Yogurt aids healing after intestinal infections

Whozawha? “Aids healing in intestinal infections?” Purely aside from the fact that this seems more like something you’d find in a doctor’s office than a restaurant, how many of the customers here have intestinal infections? It must be a pretty significant number if the fourth reason you should eat yogurt is to help those pesky infections on their way. Suddenly the partially frozen meat that went into my dish is looking less and less like a good idea.

5. Yogurt can decrease yeast infections

Well, damn. As if the intestinal troubles weren’t enough, they wanted to be absolutely certain we knew the healing and preventative power of yogurt. Except that yeast infections are not something I want to think about when I’m eating. Yeast infections, in fact, manifestly put me off food.

Fortunately, though, after the first five reasons the author of the poster decided that they had extolled the virtues of yogurt for the digestive tract long enough.

6. Yogurt is a rich source of calcium
7. Yogurt is an excellent source of protein
8. Yogurt can lower cholesterol

Ah, now there are three reasons that a sheltered American like myself can appreciate. From Cheerios boxes to news anchors, calcium, protein, and cholesterol are all subjects safe for public consumption. Sure, they don’t have the shock value of yeast infections, but they’re also familiar enough that I don’t have to think about them. Which is nice. Because I still can’t get the thought of those yeast infections out of my head, and am cursing the impulse to add cauliflower to my meal.

9. Taste good

“Okay, there’s our list.” “But we said nine reasons, and we only have eight.” “Oh, fine, say it has a good taste. We already covered all the important bits like yeast infections.” “Alright. ‘Taste good’. Let’s go print this son of a bitch.”

Needless to say, despite nine very good reasons to eat y/o/g/u/r/t, neither my girlfriend nor I was tempted to try it.

It was probably because neither of us had a yeast infection.

(As an aside, this poster was almost certainly created overseas somewhere, and the cultural disconnect between Americans like myself, who value pleasurable flavors, and the authors, who evidently prefer restorative powers after intestinal infections, is quite telling.)