Maybe a few months after my girlfriend and I started going out, we wanted to eat out and I suggested we head down to the local Applebees. They’ve got a relatively wide range of food on their menu, and I’ve had some tasty dishes. “No thanks,” she said. “Their food’s all soggy.”

Well, this was perplexing, but whatever. We went out somewhere else.

Eventually, though, I was finally able to convince her that Applebee’s food can’t all be soggy. Surely one or two soggy dishes can’t be enough to put you off a restaurant for all time, I said.

We’ve gone a few times since then (the most recent being last night), and the odd thing is that her food is always soggy. It’s really perplexing. I’ve ordered any number of dishes there and not a one has been soggy. But we go there tonight, she orders a wrap, and when our food gets there picks it up and the whole bottom of it is covered is drippy grossness.

It’s really quite bizarre, and calls out for some empirical testing. Do redheads always get soggy food? Is it just her? If we ordered the same dish, would one be soggy and the other not?

These questions plague my soul.